Where You Are

Everywhere is where you are
Every breath
Every breeze
Every memory
Every idea
Everywhere is where you are to me

The third car seat that is not there
The travel cot in the other room
The highchair at the table end
My empty aching arms

The third sibling
The seventh cousin
The invisible grandchild
The name that is never spoken

Crawling in the lounges
Sitting by the stairs
Walking round the corridors
Holding on to hands

Every buggy, every swing
Trike and toddle bike
Every snack, every crust
Every brand new thing

When anyone is blinking
When someone tips their head
When people are doing clapping
When we only put two to bed

Splashing in the swimming pool
Rolling on the grass
Giggling at the baby seals
The stars in Granddad’s birthday card

The space in every photograph
The drawn out seconds of every minute
The whispers in the darkness
The warmth of the rising sun

The melody in the music
The lyrics to every song
The stars in every story sky
The twinkling ripples on the sea

The space in the suitcase
The lack of baby toys
The time in the evenings
The luxury morning lay in

The lack of motivation
The not wanting to plan tomorrow
The secret in my silence
The stone weight in my heart

Every single word I type
Every single thought I think
Every laugh from every child
Every 9 month old baby I see

As your brother eloquently said
You are in the water and the sky
Every bubble that we blow
Every starry sky we see

Baby Tilda you are everywhere
You are in everything
Yet knowing that is not enough
To stop the desperate longing

Everywhere is where you are
Every breath
Every breeze
Every memory
Every idea
Everywhere is where you are to me

13 thoughts on “Where You Are

  1. Such poignant words that I can totally relate to!
    I wish I could say that you will recover from your heartbreaking loss but you never will (I know because our son died 27 years ago) but I can promise you will learn to deal with your grief and the acute pain WILL ease slightly with time
    Thinking of you
    Sharon
    xxx

  2. You have so many beautiful photos of you and Matilda together. The love and bond between you both is in every photo. I wish this was not happening to you and I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. Your husband, William and Esther will help to get you through day by day and I wish and pray a rainbow baby will one day soon come to you to help you through the future. You are in my thoughts daily xx

  3. So poignant, so tragically sad, my heart aches for you. Such beautiful pictures of a gorgeous baby girl and her mummy, such an unbreakable bond between the two of you, no matter what, that is clear xx

  4. As a mum my heart breaks for you every time I read your posts. I read all your posts but don’t know what to say as I feel my words are just meaningless and won’t bring you comfort. But know that since I heard your news I do think of you regularly.

    Hugs x

  5. I am crying too much to choose the words to write.

    Once again, I’m sorry for the loss of your baby daughter, Esther and Williams’s little sister, a cousin, a granddaughter, a friend at playgroup. So much to so many people. Her name will always be spoken and written by us.

    Rest in peace, darling Matilda Mae xxx

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