If Baby Tilda had a voice
This is what she’d say
“To everyone who knows my mummy
To those not sure whether to go or stay
I may have only lived 9 months
I may have died too soon
But I loved my mummy with all my heart
More than all the stars, the moon
I’m up here watching over her
But what I need you all to do
Is make sure that my mummy’s loved
Give lots of cuddles not just a few
Tell her you remember me
A certain sound, my face, my smile
Please don’t hurry past my mummy
Stop and stay with her a while
Please look after my siblings
My big sister and her twin brother
Please reassure my Daddy all will be well
And please just love my mother
Tell her that it is okay
To miss me, to scream and yell
Tell her though you cannot truly understand
You know enough to know it hurts like hell
Please don’t get cross with my mummy
If she gets cross with you
She is dealing with so much right now
She knows not what to say or do
I am so proud of my mummy
For getting up and out each day
On top of all her pain and grief
She still tickles, tell stories and plays
I cannot be with my mummy
Not like she can be with you
So please if you see my mummy
Do all the things I long to do
Wrap your arms around her
Place a gentle kiss on her head
Hug her as tightly as you dare
Tell her your sorry that I am dead
Please look after my mummy
I am worried up here you see
Because I witness every part of her pain
She only shows the worst to me
Don’t forget my mummy
If you think she has forgotten you
She is grieving so much right now
She knows not what to say or do
If you think about my mummy
Please tell her how, when and why
If you have something to tell my mummy
Please tell her don’t be shy
There is nothing you can say or do
To make her feel any worse
Her world is in tatters around her now
She has suffered a parents’ worst curse
She has outlived her baby
There is an unfillable hole in her heart
I cannot speak to my mummy down there
But you can play your part
Please look out for my mummy
Say hello and make her smile
Tell her you think of her often
Even if you’ve not spoken in a while
Please look after my mummy
I would give anything to hold her hand
To huddle up close and snuggle in tight
To squeeze her gently and
I can do none of these things with my mummy
I was taken from her too soon
Please help my mummy she is dying inside
Please try and make a little room
My mummy is feeling so lonely
I know it because I feel it too
I have all my angel friends
But my mummy; she needs you x”
Little Voice
Thank you angel Tilda for reminding us how much mummy needs to feel the love of everyone who hears and sees but can’t truly feel her pain – however much we cry and anguish at her heart-wrenching words. Thinking of you Jennie and sending love, thoughts and a virtual hug xxx
Beautiful. I’ve commented a few times before but once again I’m just so terribly, terribly sorry this has happened to you. I love to see pictures of Tilda- so beautiful. Thank God that love doesn’t die and nothing can ever take that love away from you although it is heartbreaking to read your awful pain, it is so clear that you just love her to the absolute. I just know you’ll be with her again one day and you’ll forever be a mummy to your baby in the next life. I wish you some moments of peace xxxx
Tears are flowing. So beautiful and every word so true. I’ve said many times, I will never ever forget you Baby Tilda. Nor will I ever forget your Mummy. I have something to send her, I’ve had it here a while. You’ve just encouraged me to try find it (it’s still packed in a box somewhere) and post it to her. Sending you both love xx
Sending you strength and love, what a beautifully written poem x
xxx
I have commented a few times on your posts Jennie. I do not know you but I do think of you often and your baby Tilda, we have a Tilda in our family too – my sister has three girls, she had two miscarriages before our Tilda arrived so llike your Matilda she is also precious! (As are the others of course!) I have two very cheeky boys and when I am at the end of my tether I try to take a breath and think of you and put my world into perspective.
I love reading your posts and looking at your pictures – you are a great mummy and I can learn lots from your strength xx
Oh Jenny, Im hearing every one of your daugter’s beautiful words and wishing I could take away your horrible heartbreak. Your words are incredible, so emotionally raw but beautiful. I dont know you at all but think of you (and pray for you) so often x x
Just beautiful! Hugs x
Heartbreaking. I think of you often xx
So beautifully written.
Jennie, I’ve read your blog and my heart breaks for you every time. It’s 10 years this year since we lost my brother and we had the joy of him for 24 years.
I watch my mum with my two girls and I see the pain hiding at the back of her eyes. You just have to take each day at a time
I can’t hug you in person as I don’t know you but I am sending you a cyber hug.
Oh Jennie how beautiful. The brightest star in the sky is twinkling with those words tonight. Sending you much love xxx
I don’t know what to say, but I’m here. End of the phone, end of the internet and I hope so soon in person. Love xxxx
beautiful baby tilda <3 thats such a lovely picture, as always!
i really do think of you and tilda a lot, sometimes dont know what to say so may not always comment but i do remember you both most days. baby tilda will always have a place in so many peoples hearts, even if we never knew her, can feel through your words how loved and missed she is, what a special little star she is.
This made me cry, it’s so beautifully written and I am 100% sure this is exactly what Tilda is thinking, and you know that because she is part of you, and always will be.
I cannot wait to give you a hug tomorrow Jennie x x x x
I am so sorry, and I do think of you every single day!
Such a beautiful, heart breaking blog. I honestly think of you everyday, I have my pot of pink and purple Tilda flowers on my patio, planted for her, you…..me, to remember a precious little angel. If I could give you a hug I would. You are an amazing woman and mother x
I promise to do all of those things, for you Tilda, and for you, jennie. Love u lots xxxxx
Dear Jennie, It certainly is okay To miss your Tilda, to scream and yell!!
How could you not? Your Baby Tilda was possibly the world’s most beautiful, cute, gorgeous little baby the world has ever seen and you loved her with every fibre of your being!! The pain of that separation is almost too much to bear! Baby Tilda can still love you from where she is and send her love down to surround you while you are sleeping. There is so much love being sent to surround you from every direction. From up in Heaven, from all your family and friends, from strangers all over the world. I hope you can close your eyes and feel it and that it helps you to feel loved and helps you to smile. God Bless you xxx
Beautiful and heartbreaking in equal measure, I’m so devastated for you and for baby Tilda, the pain of your cruel separation is something no mother should have to endure. Thinking of you and your gorgeous girl every day and sending much love. Beautiful picture of Matilda as always xx
Beautiful baby Tilda – our hearts break for your Mummy and all your family. I think of her many times during the day and I wish her life was different and that tonight she was cuddling you to sleep in her bed and not missing you so much her heart could break x
I have followed your blog and story without sending a comment as I never feel anything I could say would be of any comfort, but if it helps to know that you are thought about and not forgotten, then I think of you and your beautiful baby Tilda every day. Your story has moved me so much as my children are about the same ages as your three, and I know how much you and Tilda are and always will be a part of each other. I wish this hadn’t happened to you, I wish this hadn’t happened to your Tilda, but it is clear you are very much loved, supported and needed by your lovely friends and family x
Think of you every single day jennie, always in my heart xxxxxxxxx
Reading and crying, crying and reading. Feeling pain that is not mine to own.
Reaching out to you with my heart, knowing you won’t know, but hoping it’s a start.
I hope with each day something somewhere gets slightly easier, even if it is the equivalent of a mm each day. Oh that was accidental, a millimetre is two MMs like Matilda Mae and Multiple Mummy. I am glad that they have each other to play with.
Lots of love Liska xxx
Dear Jennie,
I think of you so often. I am so very sorry that you have this awful pain in your heart and I wish, wish, wish I could make it go, wish that it wasn’t there in the first place. I walk in the woods and you come into my head, I shop in the supermarket and I wonder how you are, late at night I lie thinking of you and Tilda. I wonder how you make it through each day and I don’t know what to say, I just don’t know what to say but I never want you to think I don’t think about you because I do. I read your words and sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t say anything but I will now. I will always just type these words, ‘I’M THINKING OF YOU’. And it won’t change anything and it won’t make anything better but you will know.xxxx
No words, just amazing, you really are amazing. Here anytime xxxx
We are all proud of you Jenny. Much love to all of you and well done for today. H x
Thinking of you and your beautiful Matilda every day too. Wish we could take the pain away. Sending love. Xxxx
Sending you many, many good wishes and comforting thoughts…..
I’ve never commented before but read often. And had to comment after reading this. You write so well. Wishing you strength and courage. (You are an inspiration, by the way, and I think of you and Tilda often.)
Caroline xxx
Dear Tilda, thank you for these beautiful words. Right now I’m watching lightning and wondering if it’s as pretty on your side of the clouds. Thinking of your mummy and Daddy tonight. X
This made me tear-up at work. At BritMums, I smiled and said hello to you and I desperately wanted to give you a hug and tell you that I always think of you, but I didn’t because I wasn’t sure if you would want it. Now I wish I’d followed my gut instinct, because I like to think I give very good cuddles. I owe you one sometime Jennie. Have a wonderful day today. And hello Tilda, up there in the sky – you are the most beautiful poet, just like your mum! xxx
Dear lovely Jennie,
If I knew you, I would hug you and kiss you and make you cups of tea on end, play with the twins to give you time off and try to make you laugh or just sit there and listen to the silence with you, if that’s what you want. I am thinking of you and Matilda Mae so often, and although I have not lost a child, I know the pain of losing a special someone. I have no idea how you do it, I am certain I would crumble into little pieces, unable to continue to live.
Lots of love to you,
Deborah
Pingback: Breaking the Taboo | Baked Potato Mummy