Perhaps it was because we flew so high

That everywhere I looked today

I saw Matilda Mae

Every where I looked today

I imagined Baby Tilda

As she was then

As she should be now

I miss my daughter more than ever.

I would give my life to have just a few moments

With my baby girl.

To turn back time

Stop the clocks

Make things right as they should be

So I can be normal again

And remember what it feels like to be happy.

As that cannot be

There is only existence

And getting through one day at a time

While trying to make sure

Esther and William do not taste the bitter anger

The utter despair and sadness

That courses through my veins every day.

I make every day count

By doing things like this …

Today we travelled to London on the train. On Spencer. We had a late breakfast on the train as we travelled to ‘the great big wheel’ more commonly known as The London Eye.

Before university I worked for a while as a hotel receptionist and I was aware of Superbreak as a company that you can book holidays and short breaks through. What I did not know is that you can also book attractions through them, such as The London Eye.

It is really easy to book any attraction. You just visit the homepage of their website and click on through following the instructions.

To travel on The London Eye you have to make your booking with Superbreak but then phone The Eye to book a specific time and date.

You will be given a reference number that you take with you together with your Superbreak voucher to the ticket office on the day.

When you approach The London Eye on the South Bank there are some lovely grass areas and a play park. I left David and the children here whilst I went to get the tickets and stash our buggy. Single buggies can be taken on to The Eye though they have to be folded. If like us you have a monster double buggy then you can store it in the ticket office. The staff were so helpful to me and even though it was incredibly busy they made sure I had my tickets and that the buggy was safe.

We started to queue half an hour before our ride time and that was about right. There are two queues which we did not realise at first. We were sent to the back of the queue for the queue and I thought we would be waiting ages but actually the lines were fast moving, there was an efficient system in place and it was manned by polite and friendly staff.

Getting on The Eye was great. The wheel does not stop moving, albeit very slowly, but you feel like you have to hop on quick. Esther and William were very excited about going up high in a pud (pod).

I was a bit worried that Esther and William would be bored and feel constrained on the wheel but actually the pod was really quite spacious and the views were amazing. It was a clear sunny day and so we could honestly see for miles.

We spent 30 magical minutes up in the skies, feeling close to Tilda and spotting buses, trains, cars and buildings below.

Esther and William liked sitting on the wooden bench in the centre of the pod eating their snack and the also like leaning up against the glass and looking out below. There was so much to see and talk about that it felt like no time at all that we were on The Eye.

It was a great experience though and it was nice to be up looking down and getting an idea of how things might appear to Tilda now.

I have missed her so much today.

My beautiful baby girl.

Getting off The Eye was easy and the exit was quick. There were photos available to view and purchase if you wanted to but you did not feel under pressure to look or buy.

Our excursion was over but out day in the capital was just beginning.

We wandered along the South Bank looking at the street performers including a man with giant bubbles.

Another moment for Baby Tilda.

We went to Giraffe for lunch which was lovely. It was very busy but it is such a great place to eat with children. Esther and William enjoyed their strawberry milk served in sensible cups with lids and straws. They also love their plastic giraffes and had oodles of fun with balloons. Thank you Giraffe!

After lunch we walked along beside the river to the large public sandpit. This lovely area reminds me of France, the South of France, sand and trees. The little buildings in the sand pit are great for imaginative play and we took buckets and spades too. The sun was shining and Esther and William had a wonderful time building castles, going on bear hunts. It was lovely to sit with David and watch them play. It was heartbreaking picturing what Tilda would have been up to if she had been here.

She would be 14 months on Tuesday, instead she’ll be 5 months gone.

It is just so cruel and unfair and wrong.

The highlight of today for me was not The Eye but a moment on the train when William said that Esther was his twin and his sister and when I asked if he had another sister he said, ‘Baby Tilda is my sister’. Because she is, she was and she always will be.

The very heart of our family.

We love you and miss you Baby Tilda and today we felt closer to you up high in the sky.

We were given complimentary tickets for The London Eye in exchange for an honest review.