Dear Baby Tilda, I Miss You

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Dear Baby Tilda

I miss you so much

I miss everything that you were

In your short time with us

But more than that

I miss all that you should be.

I am not only grieving for the you I knew

I am grieving for the daughter I will never know.

I will never know what colours you like.

I will never know your favourite food.

I will never know what toys you like

Or games you like to play.

I will never know if you would have been a happy toddler

Would you have walked early or late?

Would you be as chatty as Esther and William?

Would your hair have grown thick and dark?

Would you have always suited bright colours and big patterns?

How would your place in our family be?

Would you be closer to Esther or William?

Would you have liked being the baby of the family?

What music would you like?

Would you have a nice voice to sing?

Would you find reading easy to do?

Would you love learning?

Would you want pets?

Would you find your own way in the world?

What kind of friends would you bring home from school?

Would you choose to go to university?

Would you be keen to drive a car?

What kind of man would you marry?

Would you want and have children of your own?

Would you have a job that you loved? A career?

Would we have met for coffee in your lunch break sometimes?

Would we have enjoyed some girly days away?

I miss you so much Baby Tilda

I miss all that you were to me

And all that you will never ever be.

Dearest darling Matilda Mae

I miss you so much

You have left a huge hole in our family

A tear through the centre of my heart

You have drained the colour from the world

And the energy from my mind

And I don’t know how to get it back

Dear Baby Tilda, I miss you

18 thoughts on “Dear Baby Tilda, I Miss You”

  1. Your head must ache so much with all the thinking these ‘would you’ questions 🙁 Jennie I wish I had a time machine xxxxx

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  3. Dear Jennie , I know I’ve said it before but please make sure you’re looking after your own health . You are doing so much to make life lovely for your beautiful children, but recently when I read your courageous and honest posts I am worried about you . I understand I don’t know you , but your posts have been so vivid and raw that I can feel a change in you I see that you have lots of support , please lean on it for a while . Please allow your family to hold you up a little . I think about your baby girl every day in the work I do . I blew bubbles for a very distressed baby boy today and thought of her. You and your baby girl are touching lives of people you will never meet . But you have done so much for everyone else , please, if nothing else, give yourself 10 minutes for quiet reflection a day xx

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  5. I don’t know what more to say Jennie. I don’t know how you can cope through this heartache. I wish this wasn’t true, with all my heart I do. I just didn’t want to read and run xx

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  6. Hi Jennie x I Just wanted to thank you for being so brave in your writing. As a society, we struggle with loss and death because the truth is that life isn’t the same afterwards. Where is the magic wand that stops the grieving? The fix? Bereavement is something that we carry through our joys, victories and memories – like a beauty spot. It is a mark on our hearts. Yes it shouldn’t control us, and take away from the good that life brings but we need to understand that it’s not going to go away. It’s part of us and our journey. I hope that others who experience loss will find your blog and give themselves permission to acknowledge their hurt, whether it is obvious or camouflaged. With love, Ange

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  7. I tear up every time I read your posts, your pain is just unimaginable. I think about you and Tilda every day and I so wish you never had to go through this terrible experience. Sending you lots of virtual hugs, hope tomorrow is a better day xxx

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  9. I don’t know you Jennie but I feel your pain in every post about your beautiful Tilda. You make me even more grateful to be with my baby boy each day. I wish it could be different for your family, I wish you could see Tilda grow up to become the beautiful woman she clearly was meant to be. She will always be your beautiful baby girl, she is with you in mind and spirit and always in the hearts of more than you realise. Thinking of you xx

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  11. Hi Jennie x I Just wanted to thank you for being so brave in your writing. Your post really moved me. It must be so difficult to come to terms with losing your baby girl. I write this and well up. Where is the magic wand that stops the hurting? The fix? Can it stop? Bereavement is something that we carry through our joys, victories and memories – like a beauty spot. It is a stain on our hearts. Yes it shouldn’t be excruciating forever, and take away from the good that life brings but we need to understand that it’s not going to go away. It’s part of us and our journey. And it does get easier. It doesn’t go away, but we learn to cope with it, to make space to deal with it as Angela suggested. I hope that others who experience loss will find your blog and give themselves permission to acknowledge their hurt, whether it is obvious or camouflaged. With love, Ange

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  12. Tears are streaming down my face as I read this Jennie…. I know that there will never be a day that you won’t miss baby Tilda, but until the time comes for you to fall into each others arms again, be sure to know that we are here to hold you up & support you until that day comes. Thinking of you as always. xxx Sleep well xxx

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  14. It’s so unfair and wrong. Words seem so inadequate. I think about your beautiful girl and your family every day and I wish with all my heart that this hadn’t happened to you, or to other families.

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