Today is the eve of Tilda’s first birthday.
I should have put her to bed this evening, drunk on breast milk.
I should have kissed her head and told her how much I love her.
I should have looked at her sleeping, feeling so proud
Remembering what it was like to give birth to her
How much she has grown and changed in her amazing first year.
I should be going downstairs
To decorate the house
Wrap her presents
Get excited about her special day.
I should be remembering with fondness and pride
What was happening at this exact time one year ago
She gave me the perfect birth story
She was our miracle baby
Our beautiful daughter
I would give anything to wish her happy birthday
Tell her how clever she is for all that she achieved
I’d love to count her teeth
Admire her hair
Hear her babbling perhaps some words
See her crawl and cruise and walk
I should be laying out her clothes for her special day
A purple tutu and a dark pink and white striped top
I already had it all picked out.
She would have been a beautiful birthday baby.
I was going to get Esther a pink tutu with a purple and white striped top
What fabulous photos there would be.
The star bunting is up here
Balloons are about to be blown
Presents for others are hidden and wrapped
Bubbles are ready
Candles for cake
I have planned this day as though she were here
As though our guest of honour might yet still come
I am still going to relive every second of this time last year
I am so incredibly proud of giving birth to Matilda Mae
I am so incredibly proud of the happy, smiley, giggly baby she became.
I am so so sad and angry that she will be having her first birthday in the sky.
We love you Baby Tilda.
We all kissed you goodnight tonight and we are wishing you a wonderful birthday in the sky.
All the stars are coming out tonight Matilda Mae
For you x
I cannot even begin to understand how you are feeling, I think you and David are amazing people, parents. I hope tomorrow is full of pink, purple, stars and bubbles. We will be thinking of you all tomorrow and will light tea lights all along the wall of our garden and blow bubbles for Matilda at sunset. So many people are sending you love xxxx
I simply have no words Jennie. I have re-read Matilda’s birth story today and I have thought of little else all day. I am sending you so much love, and so many bubble kisses to the sky. We will be thinking of Tilda tomorrow
xxxxxx
as I was reading that the Take That song came into my head “rule the world’ it seems so fitting
You light, the skies up above me
A star, so bright you blind me
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t fade away
Don’t fade away
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side, we can rule the world.
If walls break down, I will comfort you
If angels cry, oh I’ll be there for you
You’ve saved my soul
Don’t leave me now
Don’t leave me now
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side, we can rule the world.
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you,
Yeah you and me we can ride on a star
If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world
Yeah you and me we can light up the sky
If you stay by my side, we can rule the world.
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you
All the stars are coming out tonight
They’re lighting up the sky tonight
For you
For you
Good night Matilda x
Im so sorry that life happened this way for your family, it must be a very emotional time for you with all the happy memories. I dont know what else to say, just lost for words and shedding some tears for you. will be thinking of Matilda Mae when im looking at the bright and shiny stars tonight. x
Sending you all, especially you and David so much strength to get through the next days. That star banner is lovely with the words and wishes on x
If there is a right thing in this circumstance Jennie, I believe your doing it,. For what it’s worth, I will be praying for you and your family today and tomorrow x x
You are all in my thoughts Jennie, as is Matilda.
Gentle hugs to you xx
Jennie I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. All I can say is that I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. Lots of love to you all xxxx
I am so sorry. No one should have to go through this. Your love for your baby girl shines through everything you write. You are a very special mother.
I am thinking of you all tonight, and tomorrow. You are an inspirational, beautiful and incredibly brave family. I truly think your remarkable for what you are doing to honour baby Tilda, and the way you have planned everything. Not to mention all the fundraising you are doing. You really are amazing. I will say a little prayer for Matilda up in the sky tonight. Xx
That photo with her scrunched up little face always makes me smile through the sadness. We will be blowing bubbles to the sky tomorrow and will be dressed in pink and purple to honour baby Tilda. May you and David find the strength to get you through the day. Sending you love and hugs until I see you again next month xx
Couldn’t read and not comment. Sending all the love I can muster and will be thinking of you all tomorrow, as I have all day today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhHrpW5y5CA – I know some of the lyrics don’t fit but I think of this song all the time when I think of Matilda (even though I never knew her). xx
This is just beautiful, I think it is lovely that you will all be celebrating mm’s birthday together, William and Esther will thank you in the future for being such great parents no matter how much heartache you are going through x I have already told the kids I look after that we will be blowing bubbles up to the sky tomorrow and I will be wearing purple and pink too x sending you love x x
You will be in my heart all day tomorrow. You created, carried, birthed and raised a perfect, beautiful, adorable baby girl, and it is so right that the anniversary of her coming into your lives is celebrated, even although it is so very painful to do. I wish with all my heart that she was here to celebrate it with you.
I don’t comment often but I’m always thinking of you…..big hugs for tomorrow , to you all xx
Bless you you will be in my prayers…all of you .
I will be holding your hand tomorrow and trying to shield your fragile heart. I hope the day goes as you and David want it to, to remember your gorgeous girl. Thank you for sharing her.
I can barely type this because I am so very sad for you all and for MM, and the tears are streaming down my face, but I couldn’t read and say nothing. I have no idea what to say to you other than how devastated I am for your loss and the cruelty of all this, but I hope the day is as special as it can be. The photo of MM in the stripey tights and owl top is simply beautiful xxxx
i cannot imagine what you are going through i am thinking of you David Esther and William on baby Tilda’s birthday xxx
I don’t know how I missed this post at the time, but I’m crying at it now. She was so, so beautiful and you SHOULD be proud of giving birth to her and proud of all that she was. She was unbelievably perfect and wonderful. x x x x x x x x
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