Dear Matilda Mae
I wanted to try and write you a letter to let you know how we are getting along without you.
We all miss you very much.
We talk about you every day.
Every time we see anything pink or purple
We think of you
Every bubble is blown for you
Every star shines and glitters for you
Every place we go has an empty space for you
You are everywhere we are.
Esther and William are funny little things.
They find each other most amusing.
Esther has learned to pedal a bike.
William loves ride on tractors with trailers.
They are both still obsessed with Thomas.
William is more than a little in love with Emily.
He takes her everywhere!
It seems that Spring is finally coming.
Replacing the cold that has been with us since the day that you passed.
As we venture out into the garden.
I miss seeing you laying beneath your tree.
Now you have a lovely new tree.
A cherry with blossom as pretty as you.
It will sit in a garden we are creating in your memory.
A place to be together and be with you.
Daddy is keeping busy.
Making Esther and William’s new room.
Making a boat to take you away
On the final leg of your journey.
I am keeping busy too
Making friends in our village and across the country
Friends who are helping me to treasure your memory and keep your legacy alive
Friends who are supporting our family and making Esther and William smile
I am writing every day
It is what I do for a release
Daddy has his wood work and I have my words
Neither of us has you
So we have to busy our hands, hearts and minds somehow
We are empty without you.
The days are easier than the nights
It is easy to fill the time
But once Esther and William are sleeping
The emptiness envelopes us
The enormity of missing you
Fills us and every room
Our house is not such a home without you
Without our Baby Tilda Mae
Our family is not complete without you
Our beautiful Matilda Mae
This week we are getting ready to go on holiday.
Your holiday.
Do you remember?
We booked it on Christmas Day.
A holiday for your birthday.
I had pictured you toddling around the farm
Getting to know the animals
Charming all the visitors to the farm
I could see you beaming in your buggy
Crawling on a sandy beach
Tentatively putting tootsies in the sea
I had imagined how the house would be decorated
The party tea we would all share
Now we will be on holiday without you
Marking your first birthday without you there
Nothing makes sense without you Matilda Mae
The world makes no sense without you
I love you little girl
I miss you every day
I dream about you every night
I will never ever let anyone forget your name
Your face
Your beautiful little face
I will never let anyone forget the little life of Matilda Mae
And through me you will live on
I am going to make you so proud Baby Tilda
With everything that I am
I love you and honour you
I adore you and cherish you
I will make sure your legacy goes on
And in that way we will be together
Until we are truly beside one another
Wrapped up in one another again
I love you Matilda Mae x
In the dappled sunlight
Matilda Mae will never be forgotten xx
Matilda’s memory will always live on, always. While there are people who knew her, who held her, who smelled her beautiful baby smell, who saw her chocolate eyes; while there is all of this, her memory will live on.
Beautiful, just beautiful. I have no words. This is one of my favourite photos of the two of you…the light, the way you’re looking at each other with such love. So much love. Hugs xxx
p.s. Go Esther with her pedalling 🙂
There is one thing for certain – you are making her proud :0) x
You have a wonderful way with words, I have tears in my eyes and feel pain, but I know its only a tiny bit of what you are feeling. I’m really so sorry. I know Matilda Mae is looking down on you with the angels and is happy and just wants you to be too, she knows she you will see her again one day xxx Thinking of you ♥
what beautiful words, they bring tears to my eyes reading them, so I dread to think what they do to you. I hope that through your words you do get some release . Hope daddy is getting some from his wood working too.
Beautiful words, beautiful picture and such a beautiful girl. What a legacy you are creating in her name. A gift to the world.
I promise I will never forget Matilda Mae xxxx
beautiful words for a beautiful girl. Matilda mae will alway sbe a part of everything you do x
tears rolling down my face reading this… you are in my thoughts every day and I hope you’ll do a lot of wonderful things on your holiday remembering Beautiful Tilda. She is and will be present in your and our hearts forever. You are a trully amazing person Jennie and Matilda would be so very proud of you. Keep strong!
Beautiful words to a beautiful girl. X
I will never forget Tilda either. I am proud to call you a friend and you certainly are making her proud.
xxxxd
Bless you Jennie.. you are doing so well putting all your energy and love out there where its needed. Such love in this photo .
I think of Tilda every day and will never forger her.
I actually dreamed of her on Sunday night. I dreamed she and S were sitting on a blanket under a tree playing together. They were chatting to each other in the way that babies have, where the words sound like nonsense to us, but clearly make sense to each other. It was such a lovely dream, but i woke in tears at the unfairness of it all. That it will only ever be a dream. If it makes me feel like this, I just can’t comprehend how much it must hurt you every day.
You are such a beautiful and strong woman and I wish with all my heart that you weren’t going through this and that Tilda was still with you. Like Susanne, I am so very proud to have you as my friend x
Simply beautiful about a little girl who has touched the hearts of so many who didn’t even get the privilege to meet her. She will never be forgotten x
She is so beautiful Jennie. I am so sorry you are without her. She will never be forgotten. I will never forget xxxxx
I have been reading and never really know what to say, other than that my heart bleeds for you and i simply cannot imagine having to say goodbye to my own little baby daughter. I can’t imagine how the sun would ever shine again, but cruelly, it does.
Reading this letter, I was wondering what Matilda might write back. I wouldn’t presume to put it into words for you, but just thought i’d say that she is probably up there in heaven fingerpainting her reply.
xx Judith
I’m so sorry she is not with you Jennie. I will never forget her. You are making her very proud xx
Such a beautiful picture of the two of you together, you can see the love between you, it is stunning. I have never met you, nor was fortunate enough to meet MM, but I can promise you one thing, that I will never forget her name nor the look of her beautiful smiling face and dancing eyes xx