Today both Esther and William have said things that have made my heart melt and break at the exact same time.
That is how life seems to be for me at the moment.
My heart breaks and melts simultaneously.
I feel love and pain together like never before.
Love hurts has never meant much to me until now.
Every night Esther and William each sleep with a cuddly monkey.
This morning I showed them how to wear their monkeys just like mummy used to wear Matilda Mae.
Just like Baby Tilda.
Esther and William loved wearing their monkeys.
They wore them for ages as they played.
As they walked around monkey wearing I noticed that they held their monkeys hands, just as I used to hold Tilda’s.
Then out of the blue William looked at me watching them and said,
“Mummy’s monkey is up in the sky.”
I just broke down.
Later in the day they told Daddy just out of the blue, “Mummy’s monkey is in the sky.”
Today has been a sad and tearful day.
I have not been able to stop the tears from flowing.
Esther found me crying.
She climbed up on to my lap.
Pointed at my face and said,
“Mummy’s eyes are sore. There’s bubbles dripping.”
Children have such a way with words.
Today both Esther and William have said things that have made my heart melt and break at the exact same time.
That is how life seems to be for me at the moment.
My heart breaks and melts simultaneously.
I feel love and pain together like never before.
Love hurts has never meant much to me until now.
My Monkey in the Sky
They are such beautiful children, Jennie. You must be so proud of them. So thoughtful and caring. I know you are going through so much pain and sadness at the moment and my heart breaks for you. I don’t know what else to say. I just wish I lived closer to give you a hug xx
When I saw both of your tweets earlier I had a tear in my eye, they sound like such loving children. It must be so hard for you all xx
Children can be so sensitive, so wise beyond their years. I’m so glad you have them and I’m so glad they have each other. Between you all their memory of your little monkey will be kept alive xx
I love the pictures of you and Tilda. So so happy. The twins are going 5k be vocalising this all a lot more I think. I am sending you love and strength
xxxx
It must be so so hard being a mummy to lovely, lively toddlers and a baby in the sky! No wonder your emotions are doing pendulum swings. You are too good a mummy to give yourself over to the natural grief (maybe you should though just every so often) and are showing amazing strength to be getting through each day, creating fun for Esther and William.
My heart both breaks and melts for you as I read this. Sending hugs. xx
Gorgeous post, such lovely photos and memories of your beautiful Matilda Mae x