This month is Matilda’s month.
From now until the 11th May.
The day we will walk a mile in her memory to raise money for FSID.
To raise awareness of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in older babies.
Babies like ours.
Like our Matilda Mae.
This month, these next few weeks, for me, are all about Matilda Mae.
On the 26th of April we head off on our holidays.
The holiday we booked on Christmas Day for Baby Tilda’s first birthday.
We never ever dreamed that she would not be with us.
We never ever dreamed that our baby would not turn one.
That our beautiful daughter would never have a birthday.
That is not the way of the world.
That is not how it is supposed to be.
Now the holiday will be a memorial.
A celebration of a little life.
Such a little life.
Everything we do we do in her memory.
Everything we do will be part of her legacy.
This month I will be remembering my last month of pregnancy.
How I could not wait to meet our beautiful Matilda Mae.
How proud I was of my Matilda Bump.
I loved her so so much even then.
One year ago Matilda Bump was blossoming.
Now her ashes are waiting to be scattered in the sea.
How can this month be like this?
How can this be real.
This is going to be a month of pain and hurting.
Remembering birth and death.
Reliving birth and death.
Honouring birth and death.
This is going to be a difficult month.
This is going to be my Month of Mae.
This month.
This is her month.
From now until the 11th of May.
This is my month of Mae.
Month of Mae
I don’t know what to say that I haven’t already said but I can never read and run. It’s definitely not how it is supposed to be. Sending you love and strength for the month of Mae and always. Those photos of Tilda are just gorgeous xx
Wishing you and your family all the strength to get you through this hard, hard month. Thinking of you as always x
So poignant 🙁 So sad for you that Matilda will not be with you for the holiday you booked to celebrate her first year. So so sorry… xxx
beautiful pictures…. <3
Jennie, you are fabulously strong and a wonderful woman for doing so much to raise awareness whilst grieving. She would be so proud of you, I am proud of you whilst hurting for you too. Xx
Praying
Jennie, oh how I wish we could take your pain away. All your family and friends, the online community who read your blog, all other mummies and daddies out there, we all wish Matilda Mae was here with you to love and to play and to celebrate her first birthday. We hate SIDS! No one should go through what you are going through. Yet, in your deepest pain and grief you are doing so much for others, you are raising awareness and funds to hopefully stop this in the future. You are an amazing woman Jennie, the best Mummy what Matilda could have wished for. She will live in your and our hearts forever. Thinking of you and praying for your family x
Jennie I am so sorry, it is so wrong, not how it is meant to be. I know this month will be hard for you and I will be there for you in any way I can. I wish there was more I could say or do but I know nothing can make it right. I am just here, standing with you, because it’s all I can do xxxx
How beautiful are those photos? Simply gorgeous
I think that all the plans you have this week demonstrate that love you write of and I can understand totally why you are doing it. This month wilk be hard jennie, but I, and many others, am here to help and support you if you need us.
xxx
You have the most beautiful dignity Jennie……… May you have an overflow of people surrounding you & an outpouring of peace & love upon you….xxx
Thinking of you and your beautiful Matilda Mae xx
Gorgeous photos of a beautiful baby girl. Still can’t believe she’s gone 🙁
We’ll all be with you, throughout your month of Mae… and beyond x
Beautiful photos of baby Matilda Jennie. Whenever I read your posts I feel physical pain. I can’t even begin to imagine your physical, emotional and mental pain. I think of your little girl EVERY single day and i haven’t prayed so hard and so often for a family for ever. I wish you all so much strength and love for this very difficult month and the months ahead. xxx
Sending you lots of love and hugs Jennie. These photos of Matilda Mae are simply beautiful. Lots of love xxx
Oh Jennie….I don’t even know what to say…I just wanted to send you some hugs. It’s all just so, so wrong. I think of you and your beautiful family every day, even though we don’t know each other. Sending you so many hugs and prayers for these particularly difficult upcoming weeks. xxxxx
Jennie , I can almost feel the pain and emotional trauma you are suffering after the loss of your most beautiful baby girl . Your strength in creating such a wonderfully enriching life for your twins is remarkable and inspirational. I do hope you are getting some professional help though, if only to complement all the love you are clearly getting from your friends and family x
Oh gosh so sad to read this but such a lovely piece of writing. I came here through a link about the Lullaby Trust and my heart goes out to you and your brave family. x