So tomorrow is Mothers’ Day.
I am a mother.
I know that I am.
I will smile through the day and make it as much fun as I can.
For Esther and William.
Who love their mummy.
Me.
Who are out now with Daddy.
Secret shopping for this special day.
I am so glad that we are not going to be home alone tomorrow though.
I am not sure I will be able to wear my smile all day.
Tomorrow should be my first mothers’ day as a mummy of three.
Tilda should be here.
In my arms.
Though probably not that much anymore.
She would be crawling round causing havoc.
Grinning mischieviously as she taunted her siblings.
Making her mummy’s day.
I know that I am a mummy of three children.
But having an angel is just not the same
As having a wriggly 10 month old daughter.
Dribbling and gurgling
Giggling and crying.
It really really is just not the same.
But tomorrow is a day for all mummies.
And we owe so much to both of ours.
Granny and Nana.
Who have done all they can to see us through the darkest of days.
Who know that the worst of our grief is yet to come.
Who know that we miss our Tilda everyday.
Who will be by our sides through the dark day to come.
And make sure that on the days we truly can’t function.
Esther and William will still be alright.
Mothers Day is hard for so many women.
Tomorrow I will give thanks for mothers and for the absolute privilege of being a mummy to ALL of my children.
My Three Children
Tomorrow my heart will be with those who are missing their mothers or trying desperately to become mothers themselves.
Tomorrow my heart will be with the angels whose mummies will be looking out for a sign, a sign that their baby is there.
Tomorrow is a day for mothers all.
Tomorrow is mothers’ day.
You are SUCH a good person. I love you more and more the more I read of your innermost thoughts. Will think of you tomorrow <3
I will be thinking of you too. In fact we are going to the place where matilda’s walk is to take place and we’re taking bubbles with us.
You will always be tilda’s mummy and that will never change
xxx
So beautifully written as are all of your posts – I just love the way you think of everyone – even those who are trying to become mummys. As with many of your posts it brought a tear to my eye – thank you x
Of course it’s not the same. And it’s not fair. I hope your twins help to make you smile and laugh tomorrow. And remember to be easy on yourself when the day gets tough xxx
Hi,
It feels strange writing to a stranger, but having seen the beautiful messages filling my twitter feed of late …
I’m so sorry to hear of your tragic loss, I can’t begin to imagine where you and your family are and how your feeling. The pain must be sooo hard. My best friend and her husband went through exactly the same as you, Mikie died in his sleep, such a perfect happy little boy, the days and years that have followed are dark, yet moving to lighter shades of grey. I think at times my friend exists… She has to, she has a special 13 year old with such tragic learning difficulties.
Why am I telling you this I don’t know? Im Just one of many who perhaps feels that she needs to let you know that I’m thinking of you, and your family, in the hope it gives you some kind of comfort and strength. I will also be thinking of you tomorrow, such a hard day, but also a celebration of what a wonderful mummy you are to three beautiful children
Lisa xx
You never fail to express yourself and your feelings/thoughts so beautifully. Your blog posts strike cords I didn’t know we’re there. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow, and I will hold my very own longed for babies that bit tighter. Thank you for sharing your words with us, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Jennie, I used to be a blogger and though I don’t write anymore I do still read, which is how I have stumbled across your blog and your story. I just wanted to say that I think you are an incredible person. Your babies are very lucky to have you. That is all xx
I’m just drafting my post for mothers’ day, and came to link to you. You and your family have been in my thoughts such a lot.
This post is beautiful
Thinking of you, I’m sure your little girl will be smiling down on all of you especially tomorrow. Hope your twins give you an extra special hug tomorrow x
Jennie you are such a wonderful person thinking of everyone, i am sure Matilda Mae will be looking down on you all tomorrow and i am sure your beautiful twins will make the day lovely for you. i am thinking of you xxx
I have been reading your blog with tears streaming down my face. Your grief is so raw. So recent and yet it makes it feel like only yesterday that I found out we’d lost our son. Tomorrow is my second Mother’s Day. My first was 11 months after losing my little boy at full term. I never got to meet him properly, to learn his personality. I often think that must be so much harder. I now have a 6 month old and I hug her tighter every time I hear of another angel mummy. Matilda would be so proud of you. I wish you as gentle a day tomorrow as possible. Fly high with our angels little Matilda x
Jennie…..I have no connection to you personally; I stumbled across your blog only a week ago when someone posted your link on a friend’s Facebook page. I had no idea that clicking on it would have such an extraordinarily huge impact on me.
I have read your words, so succinct and so beautiful. Tears have flowed for you and your family and you’re in my thoughts and prayers. It’s the most utterly devastating thing a parent can go through and I send love, healing and comfort to you all. I am glad that you have a space where you can express your feelings, hopefully you find a little comfort from those reading and supporting you; even from afar.
Orla xx
Thinking of you today Jennie. I am sure it’s not going to be an easy one for you. My heart breaks a little more whenever I read your posts… Enjoy E&W today, and know that beautiful Matilda Mae will be watching you with pride. In Borough Green its trying to snow! Wrap up and feel the love xxxxxx
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