Michele and Us

Today as I walked into the church it felt absolutely right to have Michele by my side.

On the way into the church she steadied me and supported me as it was all I could do not to collapse onto the floor clutching the star and the cuddly bunnies.

It is Michele who has supported me most through good times and bad with Tilda, and Esther and William.

She is my best friend.

She is a wonderful Godmother to our children.

We all love her more than words can say.

Today she spoke at the crematorium on behalf of our friends.

And because she could not relay all the messages that she had been sent she presented us with a book, a collection of the messages, emails, tweets, blog posts, letters and cards that David and I have been sent.

She made us a wonderful photo book filled with pictures of our beautiful Matilda Mae.

Today she stood and spoke for herself and for others and she bravely wished her baby Goddaughter goodnight.

Thank you Michele.

We adore you more than you know.

Here are the words Michele shared for Tilda today.

So many friends have contacted Jennie and David to send their love, thoughts and prayers. There was definitely a theme running through all of them.

Matilda’s beautiful face, her infectious smile, a lovable and determined beauty, with big, twinkling eyes.

So many said her smile just lit up the room and she brought such joy and happiness.

Her love of bubbles! Bubbles will forever remind me not only of Tilda, but also of the 3 of them together.

I believe that a spirit so beautiful and so strong cannot fade away but will shine on in your family, your friends and the wider world forever. We will hold her memory in our hearts always.

A very close friend wrote a very beautiful letter, this is a small excerpt:

“No other parents we know had such a strong desire to start a family and made it such a duty for themselves to be what it takes to be a good father and mother. We admire you for all this; you are and will always remain an inspirational example for us. Now you have to remain this strong couple we admire so much and go through this together.
We won’t be the same parents from now on.
We won’t see our children in the same light.
We will cherish them more.”

I know all the messages of love and support have meant so much to Jennie and David and every one of them has been read.

So many of Jennie’s online friends have been in contact and have been touched so deeply by Matilda and have offered wonderful support. Until now I have never fully understood it but now I do, they are able to give additional support and understanding especially if they have suffered loss themselves. Some are new followers, one lady who lost her baby 4 months ago and was struggling to talk to family wrote: (This is just part of her long message to Jennie!)

“I just want you to know that you are amazing being able to voice how you feel and how broken you are. And the fact that you are putting your heart out online helps me a lot. The reason I’m writing is, you said that many people won’t understand that you “are” online.
Now you know that it gives somebody strength. I’m sure there are many mothers out there who will think that if you can somehow pull through, they can do it to.
And I want to thank you for that.”

One message in particular struck a chord with me as I agree with every word.

“For Jennie: I am so sorry for your loss. Your strength and dignity at this heart breaking time is inspiring. You inspire me, you inspire me to be a better mother and wife and friend. Through all your words since you found Matilda sleeping you have never once thought of yourself – just of all your loved ones and how you can make life easier. I hope someone close is holding you up and drying your tears. Matilda would be proud of her very brave Mummy.
For Matilda: Dearest little one. You are now a star shining brightly above us all, smiling down on us. You were taken too soon, and nobody will ever understand why. But I have the faith that you were so very needed elsewhere, somewhere peaceful. Keep watch over your family, your brother and sister, your Daddy and your courageous Mummy. They need your strength now; they need you to hold their hands. Sleep well precious girl, until you can be with them again.”

And how will I remember Matilda, her big sparkly eyes, a smile that drew you in, a beautiful and happy presence and a determination shining through. Her gorgeous smell, her soft, velvety hair, cuddles and snuggles. Enjoying me singing to her with my terrible voice but seeing her face light up when her mummy sang. Watching her enjoy Esther and William, itching to get involved and just starting to, was a joy. I feel privileged to have been a part of Matilda’s life, thank you Jennie and David for sharing your children with me; I know you know how precious it is to me. I have promised Matilda that I will always be there to help her family, to help them move forward, to try to enjoy life again BUT we will never ever forget you as you will always be missing and in the words of your very eloquent siblings, “that’s not right!”

Lastly, my son has written a poem for Matilda which captures my feelings.

Forever there,

Forever in our hearts,

Forever together,

Forever remembered.

Forever to be a star in the sky,

Forever born to be in a happier place.

Forever born to be an angel.

Good night and God Bless Matilda Mae, we love you and miss you. Sweet dreams precious baby girl x x x x