We have been by the sea for two days now.

We are filling our days with activity and fun.

Esther and William are having a wonderful time.

They are loving their holiday home.

It provides a wonderful new setting for their train track and their engines.

I am stealing quiet moments to think about Baby Tilda.

Not that I am ever not thinking about her.

But in the midst of the madness

I like to take the time to write her name

To say her name out loud

I need to keep her name and her memory alive

As I sit and watch the sea

Hear the crashing of the waves

A crashing and crushing realisation washes over me

White horses trample over my heart

Baby Tilda is never coming back

She is not a butterfly or a dragonfly

She is not a shining star

I am not even sure she can be an angel

All I know for certain is that Baby Tilda is not here any more

Baby Tilda has died

She is dead

And I miss her with all my heart

With every breath I take I love her and miss her more

And wonder what might have been

What could have been and should have been

But with every day I know

With just a little more certainty

My baby is never coming back!

And in the midst of madness

I take a minute and write her name

Love You Tilda Mae x