Things We Must Never Forget: A Non Scary Post About Matilda Mae

Her beautiful smile

Her infectious giggle

Her determination to get the things she couldn’t have.

Her love of the camera especially as a teething accessory!

Her love of lights!

How when you walked in or out of her room, when you thought she was asleep, she would lift her chest up, crane her neck and grin at you

She did not like sleeping when not on a person

She smiled whenever me or David entered the room

How she flapped her arms with excitement and when she was really excited her whole body trembled and she scrunched up her face with delight

She cried the second she was in a room on her own

She had long thick eyelashes and bright sparkling brown eyes

She had one long lock of hair that often curled on her forehead

She loved playing nappy free after her bath especially in front of the fire

She loved laying beneath the apple tree and watching the colourful ribbons we hung in the trees

She tried to pull herself up on the fireguard

For ages before she could crawl she would bottom shuffle and kind of bottom twirl around a room

She loved music and would clap along to my singing

She loved jingle bells and got very excited when she saw them

She loved chewing on Sophie

For a long time she hated going into her car seat and protested loudly about being in the car!

She giggled and smiled so much when you blew on to her face

She loved to stick out her tongue!

She rested her head on my shoulder when I cuddled her

She could sit herself up in her cot

She loved playing in our bed early in the morning

Her favourite toy in these times was Daddy’s phone

She loved milk and breastfed on demand her whole 9 months

How if you bent your head to one side she would copy you and make it a game

How she was so very good at blinking

She liked nodding and shaking her head

She smiled and laughed a long to stories

How she curled up in a tiny ball like a hedgehog and cried if Esther or William hurt her

How she looked so pleased with herself each time she did something new

Her love of food and how she would study us all as we ate

How she would try to steal food from her siblings plates

Her determination to feed herself with a spoon

How she loved cuddles with Esther and William

How she loved the bath and had learned to do splashing

How she used to scratch and knead my breasts as she fed

How after 6 months she only really ever fed on one side and I was incredibly lopsided!

How she loved watching Esther and William play

Esther and William calling her Baby Tiger before they could say Baby Tilda

She will only ever be Baby Tilda to them, to all of us now

How she used to beam when she was pleased with herself

Her gurgles and giggles and how she used to babble and chat away to herself

Her wonderful nature

How she thought that everyone was only there to entertain her

Her love of people

How her smile lit up a room

Her beauty

Her breath

Things we must never forget

41 thoughts on “Things We Must Never Forget: A Non Scary Post About Matilda Mae

  1. Beautiful post about a gorgeous, happy girl who will never be forgotten. Her eyes were always beaming and smiling from what I have seen on your blog and tweets. She brought such joy in her short life.

    Thinking of you all each day.

    Sam
    X

  2. Such a beautiful girl.

    Jennie, you can write what you want. This and all your social media are your spaces. Anyone who wants to take them away from you is just being churlish and cruel.

    You write as you wish. Your space, your therapy, your friends. Scary, sad, grief, joy, love, remembrance, fear, despair, acceptance, anger. Write it all. You will be grateful for the record, I promise.

    Beautiful girl. Not fair. A life to be without her. Not fair at all. So keep writing. This is how you mother her now. It is not enough, but it is what you have.

  3. I will always remember you and baby Tilda, even though I never knew her. What a gorgeous little girl she was! You have been so blessed to have her, and she was truly blessed to be a part of your precious family.

  4. Just like Merry said, Jennie please continue to express yourself however you wish. We are all here to support you. Whoever has been so cruel to suggest that you stop writing about how you feel needs to realise that they have the ability to unfollow or unlike or generally not read if they choose not to. The rest of us will be here reading your words and supporting you however we can. Thinking of you every day xxx

  5. Jennie, this is so soooo beautiful. What a lovely reminder of all the special things about Matilda Mae. Keep writing and sharing – blogging, tweeting etc. are all good therapy as I’ve said so many times before. You just do what you have to do, this is your space. We will keeping reading and sending you love xx

  6. So beautiful. Keep writing whatever you want to, whatever you need to. You are doing her justice by writing the whole truth, the whole story. As Merry said, it’s your space. There are lots of people who will do anything they can to support you. The others are not worth bothering about. Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

  7. Jennie, we will not forget!
    Matilda Mae’s short but beautiful time on Earth has touched so many. And through you, David, Esther and William and all others who knew and loved her, her beautiful radiance will live on and her light shine.
    Your strength and words are amazing. May they keep carrying you through the times to come.
    Lots of love to you!

  8. Jennie a wonderful post and gorgeous photos i love the one of her flapping her arms. And please do keep writing whatever you like or whatever you need i like many others will continue to read and always be thinking of you, you are an amazing women and mother. And any one who as been so cruel to you they can simply choose not to follow you or read. thinking of you and love to your family xxxx

  9. Jennie – what gorgeous things to remember. I love all the pictures of her, but particularly the one of her when she was excited.

    Thinking of you xxx

  10. It makes me very angry and disappointed to know that someone has dared say that your posts make them feel sad or frightened. Every post I read brings tears to my eyes, but my tears are for you and your husband and twins, not for myself. I hope you never feel that you can’t express yourself through this blog or your twitter. You are an exquisite writer and I hope this gives you an outlet.
    Matilda Mae’s beauty shines through in every post.
    With great love and hugs xxx

  11. Beautiful post. Loved looking at the photos of your gorgeous Baby Tilda. I smiled though tears as I read your memories of her because she and my daughter sound so similar personality wise.

  12. I think no one who read your story will ever be able to forget about Matilda Mae and now even people like me, who never really met her, will be able to remember her just as she was. Just beautiful!

  13. What a beautiful, smiley, happy baby. I’m so sorry for your loss, I will be thinking of you and your lovely family on Thursday x

  14. My mum had a daughter who died shortly after birth, before I was born. Her name was Rosemary. I remember going to lay flowers at her grave when I was a child. She was born 34 years ago. I have 4 younger brothers and sisters, and we all remember Rosemary as if she was a part of our childhoods. Something like this is never forgotten, and shouldn’t be. We still visit her grave; my dad’s ashes are buried with her now.
    Give yourself time and love xx

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  16. I’m so glad you have so many memories, and photos- though i know they are never enough. So glad you take the time to write them down, to deepen their imprint on your heart and mind. Beautifully written.

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