Being a parent means a constant sense of incompletion. When you’re with them, there’s always that little bit of the old you, nagging about what you’re missing, and yet, when you’re away from them, you don’t feel whole.

Louise Wener, Red June 2011

I could not have put this better myself!

So how am I going to move forward, for me, for David and for our babies?

I have been thinking about this and after the chaos of the wedding is over I am going to reinstate some order to our lives. As a teacher I loved planning my week. I loved thinking about what had gone the week before and where I wanted to take my class on their learning journey next. I am going to think of Esther and William as my class. September will be the start of our school year? What are our objectives going to be? What do I want us to achieve together and what steps do we need to take to reach our goal?

12 months is a long time. In the 12 months from September we will enjoy our second Christmas as a family and Esther and William will turn two, and with any luck be discharged from the care of the hospital. For discharge to be achieved Esther and William need to catch up with their chronological peers, so that is something positive that we can work towards.

There are classes that I want to go to starting from September. Gym Babes / Tumble Tots is one of them. That is a class that is easy for me to get to despite the fact that I do not drive. I also think we might start going to something called Fun Train which is quite far away but near where David’s sister lives so perhaps it could tie in with regular visit to her? We are also starting baby signing. So each week we will attend three classes which will enable Esther and William to mix with other children and learn important skills which will help their development.

Every day, without excuse, we are going to go out for a walk. The exercise and fresh air will do us all good. And if it is raining? Well, that is surely what rain covers were designed for?

When we are at home I am going to structure our day a little bit more, this will become easier as Esther and William get older and we can do things like art activities, puzzles and messy play.

I am going to also try and make sure that we see someone every week perhaps for coffee or lunch or a play date.

Life is not just going to get better; I need to be proactive in making adjustments and improvements that will make us all feel happier with our lot.

David and I have agreed that I will have Saturday mornings as my ‘me time’ until we are at a point where he can comfortably work only four days. On my Saturdays I am going to get up really early have my solitary hour of coffee and writing/reading and then perhaps go shopping or swimming on alternate weeks.

Just making these plans is making me feel better within myself. I told you that I like planning!!

10.30am – Hair colour is cooking. Few more minutes til the cut and then the shopping. I have decided to go for it and enjoy some time to myself.

And I am not going to feel guilty like I usually do. It is not wrong to steal a little time for me. David will be fine and can make up the work time. He will be able to work more efficiently if I am coping better with my batteries recharged.

Life is making sense today.

A cloud has lifted. Please let the skies stay blue!