Dear Esther and William

I want to write to you to wish you a happy first birthday. Writing is something I usually find easy but on this occasion I cannot put what I think and how I feel into words.

There are no words to express how much I love you, how proud I am of you and how far we all have come during the first 12 months of your lives.

What an achievement to be so strong and so clever when you started so small and so frail.

As I watch you play together, as I feed you and cuddle you, the feelings overwhelm me and all my words are lost.

You are truly amazing little people. So precious. So beautiful. Such fun!

You have learned so much in the past 12 months. It has been a steep curve for us all. But look what we have done. Together. Look what we have done!

I will never forget first meeting you. I am sorry for how that had to be. I will never stop making it up to you. I sat by your side every single day and I held you as often as they would let me. I read you stories and sang you songs, just as I do today. You were little froglets back then, with your shiny skin and your bones showing through. So tiny. I was scared of hurting you but even back then you were strong.

I will never forget bringing you home. Never forget hearing the words. ‘You can take your babies home.’ We were terrified, Daddy and me. You were so perfect, so teeny, so wonderfully small. I would do anything then, as now, to protect you.

We stayed in one room for the first few days. I just wanted to hold you, to smell you. After so long apart it was hard to believe you were mine. I could keep you. And I did. All night, every night for a while.

I fed you, read to you, sang to you, held you. I was memorising every part of you should we ever have to be separated again.

As you grew bigger and stronger I began to be braver and we moved to other parts of the house.

You began to explore the world you were living in and your beauty began to show.

Your body uncurled, your skin became less ashen and you even began to get plump! You murmured and babbled and babies you smiled! You learned to roll to one side. You played and you laughed. You screamed and you cried. You rolled, you balanced and one day you sat!

How can such tinies now do all of that?

And that is not all you are now trying to stand and you pull yourself up all the time. You are cruising the furniture and learning to climb. You know no fear, you are so very brave. You are even starting to let go sometimes. You are bumped and bruised from your adventures and play.

Scarred from your earliest days.

You are both so cute and so very clever. You love clapping and waving hello. You love hearing stories and have two particular favourites that are also favourites of mine. How my heart leaps when I open the book and your eyes begin to sparkle and shine. You smile, you exclaim with delight. It is like magic. One of the things I would have chosen to give you as you grow is a passion for books and reading, to have it at one is a wonderful gift. Treasure it Esther. Protect it William. For it is a wonderful thing.

You love singing songs and have just started dancing. You are such happy and contented young beings.

You are so well behaved and the people you meet instantly fall under your spell.

You have learned so much in your very first year and I know there is so much more to explore. So much of the world to see.

I am proud and honoured to be your Mummy. I love you with all that I am. You make everything in life mean more than it did and you make me a better person than I ever hoped I’d be.

The words just do not feel like enough, they don’t even begin to express it…

Now that I have you both in my life, now I know what love is, unconditional love.

You completed a circle between your Daddy and me.

Now we are a family and look what we have done!!

Look what love has done x

My beautiful son and daughter x