Esther and William will be a year old on the 24th of July. I have breastfed them from day one. They have never had a bottle, they have never had formula. This is something that I am very proud of, I know that we have been very lucky to find it so easy and so rewarding.
But along with all the positives there are negatives too, the main one being that now I just don’t know how to stop them being utterly reliant on me for food and comfort and soothing to sleep?!?!
In the last week or so both Esther and William seem to be feeding from me more than ever before. Perhaps they sense that I am ready for this way of feeding to end? Perhaps it is part of the separation anxiety that comes at this age? Perhaps it is my fault and I have ingrained bad habits into them by always offering them my breast? Perhaps it is because we have been away on holiday or that they they are feeling a little under the weather?
The fact that I do not know! Not knowing is making it so hard to know what to do now to put things right and to start weaning Esther and William off of the breast.
David and I have been talking about stopping for a few weeks now and implementing some form of sleep training but I have not felt ready. Now I do. Now that I can see that Esther is becoming so dependent on me and now that Willaim clambers on to me and just helps himself to milk whenever he feels like it. I am not entirely comfortble with that. Bless him!
Now though I am worried that my own insecurities, wants and needs to continue with breastfeeding mean that we have left it too late to be best for the babies. I am at such an utter loss for what we are meant to do?!
David and I think that the first thing to do is to change the bedtime routine that has worked so well for us so for so long. It is not working at the moment so it has to change.
Our current routine is that at about 5pm the babies have tea and then they have a bath and then they are breastfed to sleep, sometimes completely to sleep often times to a dozy state and then palaced in their cot where they will sleep for anything up to four hours before needing to be fed again.
This worked wonderfully for months, Esther even slept through til 4am once or twice, but now it has stopped working particularly with Esther who will just cry as soon as she is put down in her cot. She likes to sleep wih her Mummy, sometimes sucking me all night which is very very sore!!
Our new routine is really nice, something we have both talked about doing with our children since before they were born. An earlier tea at about 4.30pm followed by play time til about 5.30pm then a bath. At 6pm we will all sit together and have milk, from a beaker, with some supper and a bedtime story or two. The babies will then be put down awake but tired into their cots to sleep.
It sounds perfect doesn’t it? I have no idea whether or not it will work. We are going to try tonight for the very first time.
But where do we go after that? What should our next step be?
Our goal is to wean the babies from breastfeeding and to help them sleep more thorugh the night.
What would your next move be?
Can you offer a tired mummy any words of advice?
I have breastfed my twins for 11 months. I know that breast is best but I am exhausted! I have had enough, I just don’t know how to stop!
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- Toward Toddlerdom!
I commend you for doing it as long as you have and as well as you have, but I agree. Enough now, because none of you are getting the sleep you need. They need to sleep for longer and you must be exhausted. You have done amazingly but you need a break now.
How did you get The Boy to sleep through? Was he a natural? You sound like a very calm and together Mummy x x
Wow. Breast feeding for a whole year sounds fantastic. I can’t offer many pearls of wisdom as my little one is only 6 months old but I know they say you should wean babies off breast over a few weeks and one feed at a time. Your evening routine sounds really good and I hope it’s an easy move for you. I do know there is a sleeping consultant called Wendy Dean, i’ve never used her myself but I know of 2 twitter mummies that have and got brilliant results. Good luck!! xx
My daughter is 5 months old and has been almost exclusively breastfed – apart from a few nips of formula a day after she was born (I’d had a C-Sec and was absolutely worn out after 50 hours labour), and a few times when I had an infected milk duct. She’s not too keen on formula, but if she’s really hungry it’ll suffice…. however, she has started teething now and her feed times are increasing; where typically she should be having 5 or 6 feeds of around 10 minutes, she is having 8-10 feeds of 15+ minutes which suggests to me that she needs something more substantial.
I’ve just started to introduce a little baby rice mixed with breast milk at random intervals DURING feeds, and she seems to like it. I’m going to continue that for a few more days and then try thickening it up a little (have been working on a 3:1 dilution but intending to make it up as a 2:1 which will be like runny porridge and hopefully more filling.
I agree that breast is best, but for me, long-term breastfeeding is not going to be an option – I am due to return to college in September to complete my degree and I just won’t be around to provide milk ‘on tap’ as it were…so we need to get her used to the alternatives. I am aiming to overcome the formula problem in a similar way – mixing it with breastmilk on a 4:1 combination, then gradually changing the proportions until she is happily on formula.
We’ve not had too many problems with sleep. She has a nap after her morning feed (so feeds at around 8.30am, goes off to sleep around 9.30-10 and sleeps through ’til lunchtime), then a little doze in the afternoon; this one is a bit tricky as sometimes she just fights sleep the whole way but we aim to get an hour or so in around 3pm. She then has some playtime, booktime and general lounging about in her bouncy chair – interspersed with feeds in the early evening, and a bath if necessary. She has a later nap (if she will go to sleep) around 10-10.30pm having had her seemingly compulsory grizzle time around 9pm. Last feed is between 11.30pm and midnight and she generally then sleeps through until 8am.
Having said that, with the current teething situation she is waking in the small hours – we have had a mix of her getting back to sleep on her own and having to put her in with us to get back to sleep.
Over the next few months I need to work on the morning nap being shorter, the first feed being earlier and the afternoon nap being longer….will have to see how it all pans out!
Hope you find a solution – you have double the workload!
WOW Jennie, you have done so well but i’m glad that you have decided to give up. It’s too much for anyone to bare.
I like your tea time plan. Ours is similar. Evan eats tea around 5, plays till 5:45, bath then has his final bottle of the day at 6:30. We then let him wind down by reading, or watching the bedtime story on ceebeebies. We put him in his sleep bag once he’s done with his milk and then he sits in his bouncer. He knows that means its nearly bed time. We always put him in his cot awake, and give him his comfort blanket duck thing and puts on his light show. This plays for 10 mins and projects pictures on the ceiling. He is usually asleep before it’s finished! bless. I will say this wasn’t an easy transition. I use to rock him to sleep but he was getting very fretful about it and then over tired and it was a nightmare. One night, I had had enough and just put him in his cot, he screamed for 7 mins (the longest of my life) and then eventually dropped off. From that point, I put him in his cot every nap time and every bed time alone and let him cry it out. It’s hard, but its a life skill that is good for them. Some people are very anti crying it out, and for some babies it might not work. Subsequently when E wakes in the middle of the night rather than screaming for me, he babbles a bit, grabs his duck and sends himself back to sleep. He is not agitated, upset, cranky .. he always wakes with a smile on his face and he always giggles and coos when I go to get him. That for me is the sign of a happy and well rested baby .. and I’m a happy and well rested mummy.
As your little ones like to suck themself to sleep, why not give them their last feed in a bottle so they can suck? I couldn’t feed E from the breast so he’s had a bottle from birth, I use NUK bottles and he use to have APTAMIL 1 breast milk substitute. This might be a little weak for the twins as they are nearly 1 so I would seek advice from APTAMIL about which one to use, (dont ask your HV, in my experience they are useless as advice about milk .. APTAMIL were brilliant when I called them) I now use APTAMIL 3 follow on milk for E and he has 3 bottles a day.
This is his routine:
7am – wake, 7ozs milk, cereal/porridge
9am – sleep till 11am
11am – drink of water, snack
11:30 – lunch (usually cheesy veg, mac n cheese, lentil bake, spag bol) followed by fruit and water.
12:45 – Sleep
2pm – up … 7ozs of milk
4pm – sleep
4:30 – up, water. (sometimes snack if cranky)
5pm – Tea (protein based (chick casserole, beef stew, lamb stew) followed by yogurt and fruit
5:45 – bath and play
6:30 – 7ozs milk
7pm – bed
Good luck J … hope last night was ok?
x x x
WOW! Thank you for such a detailed response. William was a star yesterday and went to sleep in his cot. I sang to him after their milk and story. Esther could not do it though and I had to get her out and feed her. We will try again tonight. I think that I am going to have to get tough with Esther because when she cries as soon as you pick her up she is happy and smiling. I know that being a bit tougher will be better for everyone in the long run but it is so hard! Think may have to move Esther into her own room for a while to let William sleep and her cry but then will reunite them once her problems are solved. Poor little girl x