Tonight I am trying to formulate a plan, that I can stick to, to sleep train the twins; William in particular.
Esther and William are 10 months old, 7 months corrected, and until now I have always fed them to sleep or very close to sleep. They go to bed at 6pm every night after their dinner, a bath and then a breastfeed. Most often they settle okay. William is actually better at settiling at this time than Esther. More often than not Esther will sleep through til about midnight when she will wake for a feed and then go through until about 4am. William will wake at 9.30, 12.30, 2.30, 4.30 throughout the night, and that is a good night!
I know that things cannot go on as they are but the thought of having to leave them to cry and learn to sleep terrifies me and makes me want to cry myself. I cannot bear hearing them cry.
David and I have read a book by Dr Marc Weissbluth called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins and I know that I have to help Esther and William sleep better. The question is how?
Dr Weissbluth suggests a choice or combination of three strategies:
Check and Console, Controlled Crying and Extinction or Crying It Out.
Check and Console means going to the crying baby quickly and soothing them them without picking them up or feeding them. By getting there quickly they do not have time to get too worked up and so should be more easily soothed back to sleep. I think that we may be too late to use this technique though as Dr Marc states that over 6 months of age babies might find this method to be more socially stimulating than sleep inducing. And I agree actually. I am certain that Esther in particular would find this to be a good game where she would cry and we would come running.
Controlled Crying or Graduated Extinction is a possible method that I would be able to use.
When your twin cries, wait for five minutes before going in to soothe him … the delayed response means that your twin will likely become more upset. Therefore, with this method your soothing can and should take the form of whatever will calm your baby back down to a drowsy but awake state … Drowsy or asleep, you then put your baby down to sleep. … At that time or later if there is more crying, you will wait for ten minutes before you return to soothe your twin … At every subsequent time of crying, delay your response by an additional five minutes … Your expectation here is that eventually your baby will fall asleep during one of your delays. This begins the process of allowing your twins to learn to return to sleep unassisted.
The third strategy offered by Dr Weissbluth is Extinction or Crying It Out. This is when you leave your baby to cry until they have cried themselves to sleep. You leave them for as long as it takes. Now this may be a tried and tested method but I do not think that I can do it. I just don’t think that for an indeterminable length of time I could sit and listen to my baby, or worse babies, cry and get themselves into a state. I just cannot! It goes against everything in me to listen to them get upset and cry. I would want to hold them or at the very least to stroke them and soothe them back to sleep. Just writing about this method has me all upset so I really do not think it is going to be an option for us unless I am not in the house at the time. There are case studies in the book suggesting that two or three nights of this method would see the babies start to sleep through the night but I am just not sure that I believe it to be true.
I don’t know what to do!! I just know that this makes me feel funny and if I am to do this method, if this is what William truly needs, then I am not ready to do it yet.
It is funny actually that in the book Dr Marc Weissbluth suggests that for each of these methods the soothing role should be taken by the father unless we choose feeding as a soothing solution. In the case of crying it out he says that it works better when the mother is out of the house. So, if David wants to take this route then maybe that is an option we can explore.
A part of me truly believes that one day without us implementing any form of training William will just sleep through the night, when he is ready. Perhaps I am being completely naive. David and I need to have a conversation, I keep putting it off, about what we are tryng to achieve and how best to do that. We need to come up with a plan but in the meantime …
I would love it if you would share your thoughts and experiences with me on this.
How did you get your little one to sleep though the night? Did you use one of these methods? Did something else work for you? Did it just happen when the baby was ready?
How did your baby learn to sleep?
- Peace!
- Esther knows how to sleep!
- Sleeping Lion!
The Boy is 2 in 2 weeks old. Every night we cuddle him to sleep. For me and mum he goes to sleep in 5 minutes. Takes longer with hubby. He goes to sleep happy, safe and secure and he won’t let me do it forever. Don’t do anything that makes you upset chick.
Thank you x
have you tried music? I believe that is what has helped mine go to sleep without any trouble, Jack had a cot mobile that played music for 10 minutes, he now has a Leapfrog Scout teddy that also plays music for 10 minutes that he has to have at bedtime. If he wakes in the night we put it on for him & it usually settles him back down. I had a CD player in the room for my elder 2 & played ‘sleep’ music.
There has been a lot of publicity about the negative effects of CIO and how the high levels of stress can effect brain development.
I used controlled crying with the Wee Man when he was about 15 months old. I agree that after 6 months children find your presence stimulating as he was taking hours to go to sleep with me there. Then one night I was told to go away so I figured maybe it was time to change tact. My time increments were smaller than what Dr Weissbluth suggests starting with 3 minutes and then increasing by a minute each time. It wasn’t easy especially as my OH was on late shifts that week so I was on my own.
Whatever you do you have to be comfortable with your choice as any form of sleep training is stressful enough without nagging doubts.
Hi. Sorry, what is CIO?
I used The Baby Whisperer with my son and I swear by it. The ‘pat, shh’ method worked a treat. I couldn’t do controlled crying, it just broke my heart but it does work for some people – it just depends if you can stand it!
The one thing we were told which stuck with me was whatever you choose to do, commit to it and see it through. It can take 2-4 weeks for a routine to be ingrained so it’s worth persevering.
Good luck!!
CIO = Crying it out.
Jennie .. I use Dr Weisbluths methods and it worked for me. I started with Evan at 4 months. Like the others said, you have to do what is right for you. Evan is good at going in his cot and getting himself to sleep, it helps that he loves his bed like his mummy. Every nap time and bedtime, I wait till he is showing signs of sleepyness (rubbing his face, low voice moaning, heavy eye lids) then I put him in his sleep bag. I give him a cuddle for 3-5 mins, and take him to his room. I close the black out blind and curtains and place him in his cot. I give him his little duck comforter and tell him that I love him, and I’ll be here when he wakes up. I put on his light show and give him a kiss. He lets out a little cry (which breaks my heart everytime) and 2 secs later he’s in the land of nod. at first this took a while, he screamed for anything up to 15 mins but I did the going back in, kiss, pat etc
Evan finally got it .. it only took 4 days and now when he wakes, he’ll cry a bit and if he’s still tired, he’ll settle himself and go back to sleep. I know if he wants to get up, because when he wakes he coos and doesn’t cry. He goes from 6:30pm to 7am every day and wakes in the night but is able to self settle. They do learn .. you have to be strong and not go to them the first time they cry.
You’ll get there .. just trust your instincts xx
Hey Jennie!!
I didn’t use any of the above methods because i couldn’t bear to hear gabriela getting into a state…and when i did go in and check on her she didn’t calm down she just got worse.. the only way i could comfort her was to breastfeed her. My piece of advice, which worked for us, is to either go cold turkey on the night feeds or offer water instead. I dnt know if the twins still need their milk at night but after a few nights of offering gabriela water..she gradually slept for longer and longer..our not so good nights are 7 till 1.30…and then 2-5, for her morning milk..but our good nights are 7-5.30!! we also have the issue of teething at the moment so not all the nights are great but she is getting there. To comfort her now i am able to just go and hold her hand. I dont think u are naive in thinking that babies just learn to sleep..i honestly believe that they just find their own way!!
xxx lizzie and gabriela xxx
I don’t think you are naive in believing your twins will work out how to sleep for themselves. My twins have just turned 9 months and are breastfed too. We came to the same sleep crossroads a couple of weeks ago and had hoped that the book by Marc Weissbluth would offer some special trick for twins! We have often thought about using a crying method but couldn’t follow through. It goes against all my instincts to let them cry and invariably there is usually a reason for their waking and crying: teething, awkward position, cough/cold.
However, I did try to break the association between nursing and sleep. I wouldn’t let them fall asleep after feeding during the day and at night my husband would try to get them back to sleep (patting, teething salts if teething, water if coughing) and if they didn’t settle then I would feed them. However, the girls themselves suddenly seemed to work it out for themselves. Overnight they both went from 3 feeds to one feed and I’m sure that they will soon drop that feed too.
It is perfectly normal for babies especially under 1 year olds,to not sleep through. I understand that it’s hard for you, esp. with twins but CIO or controlled crying are very detrimental for babies. Please check this out
http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05/no-cry-it-out/
Have you heard about Elizabeth Pantley’s No Cry Sleep Solution. You can find some great tips there.
My daughter started sleeping through around 2.5 years old. My son is 17 months old and waking up a few times. But I find it easier second time round. I have been there and I know they eventually sleep through. Only don’t count how many times you wake up during the night 😉
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