I have been struggling to get any writing done these last few days as I have been home alone.  Tuesday I was alone with the twins for 12 hours and since then I have had David’s Mum with me as he is working away.  So I know that I am not technically alone, but my world is just not the same without David being here and I think that the babies are feeling it too.

Before I carry on though I must point out that David’s Mum is fantastic.  Very easy to be with and level headed and good to talk to.  Everything you could wish for in a Mother in Law actually, so I am very lucky indeed.

However, she is not David and so things cannot of course be exactly the same.

What I have quickly realised is what a great team David and I are.  We are just able to get on and do what needs to be done without talking about it.  It is easy and effortless and I know that I take that for granted.

He is a wonderful Dad and we really do co-parent our children.  There is a big hole in their world when he is not here.  Esther who usually sleeps through most of the night now keeps waking up to see if her Daddy is here.  This morning it was 4am and she would not go back to sleep.  He is going to get such a warm welcome when he comes home on Saturday.  Those big gummy smiles and shaking limbs!  Bless.

I have also realised that I am not a bad mother and that I am coping quite well with being a mother of twins.  I thought I would panic without David here and I have not done that, I have been quite calm I think and patient.  I am more capable than I give myself credit for at times.  It is good to know that and I will try to remember it on the days and nights when I feel like my world is falling apart and I am sure that I am the worst mother ever!

I have enjoyed having to do more with the babies with David not being here and I think it means that he can begin to focus on his work more when he returns as I know he needs to do.  It is difficult when he is working from home not to want to involve him and come to rely on him being around.

The nights are worst.  They are lonely even with Esther and William there.  There is no one to share my thoughts with and to talk to who can reply – in words that make sense!!

We laugh alot together too, at our children, and the wonderful things they do.  I miss that.

Esther rolled today, three times in succession from tummy to back. Her Daddy would have loved to have seen that.  I know that it must be hard for him too.

Hurry home, Daddy.  We miss you x