“Grief is the price we pay for love.”
Queen Elizabeth
As the world prepares for back to school
The pain of losing Tilda hurts all over again
This year our darling daughter
Would be heading in to Year 6
Her final year of primary school
I often wonder what life would be like for us all now
If Tilda had lived
Would her siblings all be at school?
Would I be back in the classroom?
Or would she be enjoying being educated at home
The world her classroom?
It is hard to know for sure
I spend a lot of time wondering about all the different possibilities
I spend a lot of time missing Matilda
And wishing she was here with us
As I know that very sadly I am not alone
In missing someone as the seasons change
I am sharing a selection of picture books
That will help children and their grown ups
Talk about love and loss and grief
I hope that people will find a book here
That helps them on their own grief journey
All helps them support another
Today is Grief Awareness Day in the UK
You can find more help and support for those in need
From The Good Grief Trust
Dadaji’s Paintbrush
My Grandad Jock died when I was 13. It turned my world upside down. I adored my Grandad and I really struggled with the fact that he was gone. I wrote in my diary every day, Dear Grandad … My Grandad was magical to me. He used to hide treasure in the garden for us to seek & find. I loved spending time with him in his woodshed. I loved the smell of that shed. Grandad was always tinkering & making. He made me a beautiful dolls house, e made us hobby horses, he made all the cousins a money box then filled it with money for us all to take on a family holiday. My Grandad Jock meant the world to me. I hated leaving him and when he was gone for good it broke my heart.
Dadaji’s Paintbrush is a story of the love between a child & their grandfather, their Dadaji. The young boy lives with his grandfather in an old house in a tiny village in India. The house is filled with paintings, it is filled with love & joy. It is filled with memories of a growing boy learning to paint with his fingers, with nature’s paintbrushes, with the help of his Dadaji. The boy & his grandfather do everything together, they mean the world to one another and through the pages of this brilliant & beautiful book we see the pair sharing their love & joy with the village community.
The boy & his Dadaji did not have much but they had each other and what little they did have hey gladly shared. The boy is so happy, wrapped in his grandfather’s love until one day his Dadaji is no longer there. The house is quiet & empty.
The boy’s grandfather leaves him his very best paintbrush but the boy cannot bring himself to paint. Nothing feels the same anymore, nothing feels right. Sadness & grief engulf the boy. He is alone with his pain and his memories
One day a little girl comes to the house with a paintbrush she has made from reeds & a stick. She wants the boy to teach her to paint as his Dadaji taught her mother. The girl gives the boy hope. She helps him to see a way through
the maze of hurt & sadness. She shows him that he can love and honour his Dadaji, he can remember him with love and joy
and find ways to keep his grandfather in his heart.
Soon the house is filled with paintings and with children. The boy learns to paint again. To smile again.
“He knows in his heart that his grandfather will always be with him.”
This is such a wonderful story, beautifully written and illustrated. It makes me remember my granddad with so much love. The illustrations show the boy growing older, travelling through his personal pain and grief, finding his hope and his happiness.
As a bereaved mother and a granddaughter who still thinks of her Grandad Jock every day this was an incredibly emotional read and I know that so many will find themselves smiling through tears as they read this story and remember their own.
The Boy Who Rescued A Rainbow
Stories are magical aren’t they? They speak to us all in different ways reach out to our hearts & souls, to help and heal, soothe and support. They give us hope when we need it the most.
The Boy Who Rescued A Rainbow is at first glance a simple story but the magic in this one runs deep. It is a tale of love & loss, a story to help children deal with big emotions and changing situations.
The boy is strong, brave & fearless. He spends his day adventuring & exploring, lost in the wonderful world of imaginary play. One day he stumbles upon a rainbow. The rainbow is stuck, faded. worn and broken. The boy decides to take the rainbow home. He sets to work matching & fixing, stitching & patching. He restores the rainbow and together they head out to the land of imagination, sharing all the adventures to be found there.
But the rainbow is shrinking smaller & smaller until one day the rainbow disappears altogether. The boy is heartbroken
and refuses to believe that the rainbow has gone. The boy feels ALL the emotions but he carries on with his adventures, his heart heavy, until one day he sees his rainbow again up in the sky and he is flooded with memories. He knows that he will be okay and he smiles.
This story is so emotive. For me as a bereaved mother, I immediately feel that this is a story of losing someone that we love, of learning to grieve for them, live without them and then live for them, knowing that it is okay for us to live.
It is a book about dealing with complex emotions, emotions that come with the making & breaking of friendships, the stopping & starting of relationships, moving to a new home, a new school.
Corrina Campbe11 has created a beautiful vehicle for talking to children about feelings, reassuring children that whatever they feel is okay, showing children that there is always hope, that it is okay to pick up the pieces after something bad has happened and begin again.
Every page of this book is beautiful with gorgeous colours. The boy is strong, brave & fearless. He is also super cute
A wonderful character for children to connect with, feel empathy for and to begin to understand themselves through
What does it mean to be strong, brave and fearless?
What do these things look like?
When have you had to be strong, brave and fearless?
The Boy Who Rescued A Rainbow
Is the perfect springboard for talking to children about the spectrum of emotions we all feel and how we might show our feelings and process our thoughts and emotions.
We loved this story for so many reasons including the joyful celebration of the power of stories and imaginary play
The River
Our Baby Tilda died on the 2nd February 2013. The weeks and months after she died were so cold. Winter lasted longer than usual that year.
On her first birthday, 2nd May 2013, we took her ashes to Cornwall. We had booked a holiday there, on a farm with a river. David had built a wooden boat to sail her ashes down the river, over the sea to the sky. Baby Tilda was and is our star of the sea. Her middle name Mae means Star of the Sea. Now whenever we need to feel close to Tilda we find water. A river, stream, lake, sea. We also feel her near us whenever it rains or snows and when she paints the sky with a rainbow.
Tom Percival’s latest book, The River, resonates hugely with me. It is an incredibly powerful picture book about love and loss, about grief and the big emotions that come with losing the ones we love. The story also shows how connected we are with nature.
Rowan loves being outside. He loves the hills and trees but most of all he loves the river. Rowan feels connected to the river. His feelings come and go like the water of the river ebbs and flows. Sometimes the river is quiet and calm
just like Rowan, sometimes the river roars with anger just like Rowan.
Tom Percival uses the metaphor of the river to show how our feelings are constantly changing, to show that whatever we feel is okay, it is part of who we are.
One winter Rowan’s best dog friend dies. The river freezes over mirroring Rowan’s frozen heart. He does not know what to do or how to feel, nothing and no one can help him though of course his parents try. Rowan tries to think of happier times but it is just too hard. Even when spring arrives the river stays frozen and Rowan is still finding life without his pet very hard.
One day Rowan finds an injured baby bird, abundle of hope and joy all wrapped up in fluffy feathers. Rowan cares for the bird and as the little bird heals so too does Rowan’s heart, and the river begins to stir. When Rowan sets the bird free the ice on the river begins to break as Rowan learns to smile again, to laugh again, love again
Rowan will not now live happily ever after. His feelings will come and go just like the water of the river ebbs and flows. Sometimes the river is quiet and calm just like Rowan, sometimes the river roars with anger just like Rowan
and that is okay. Our feelings are constantly changing. Whatever we feel is okay. It is part of who we are.
“Happy and light, slow and sad, wild and angry and everything in between.
…. The river was always changing. Just like Rowan.”
Just like all of us x
The Fire Fox
The Northern Lights, Aurora Borealis, have been inspiring storytellers for centuries. A mysterious natural phenomenon. Unpredictable and usually appearing only on very cold nights, these enchanting illuminations have, through the ages, aroused feelings that they have magical powers beyond human comprehension.
In northern Finland and in Lapland there is a legend told about Tulikettu, The Fire Fox.
It is told that Tulikettu is a magical giant fox who lives in the snowy hills of the far north.
When The Fire Fox runs fast in the snowy hills it’s fur touches the snow and creates colourful magical sparkles. The sparks that fly from the fur of the magical fox soar into the sky creating the Northern Lights.
The Finnish word for northern lights is revontulet which means fox fires.
This beautiful Saami myth from Finnish Lapland, of the revontulet, or fox fires, was the inspiration behind The Fire Fox by Alexandra Page and Stef Murphy.
The story centres around Freya and her mum who have gone to a little cabin to get away for a while. The light has gone out of their lives since Freya’s dad passed away.
Bea immediately noticed the endpapers in this book. At the beginning the scene is dark and Freya and her mum are driving to the cabin, at the end of the book the landscape is lighter and the cabin lights are giving out a cosy glow.
This story is about a mother and daughter trying to find their way after loss. Trying to find some light in the darkness. As they arrive at the cabin the snow is falling and Freya’s mum encourages her to go out exploring while she unpacks.
Freya isn’t sure about going out though the snow looks perfect for sledging. When she does find the courage to venture out she meets a magical fox in the snow. Freya can’t help but follow him into the forest – and on to a thrilling adventure. Together the dart and dip, spring and skip, twist and tip, swerve and slip, never straying too far from the cabin and mum.
As Freya and the fox race through the snow his tail swishes from side to side, sending frosty fires spiralling into the starlit sky. The sky dances with light.
This part of the book makes me cry tears of empathy, understanding and shared grief. Whenever we see something beautiful in the sky, a rainbow, a moonbow, an especially bright star, a beautiful sunset, a stunning sunrise, we always say that it is a sign from Tilda, that she is painting the sky to say hello, to let us know that she is there.
That is how Freya feels on seeing the fox fires, the revontulet, The Northern Lights.
Freya runs back to the cabin to find her mum and show her the gift from her father. He has painted the sky for them to let them know that he is there. For anyone who has ever lost a loved one and especially those who have supported a bereaved child, this is a hugely poignant and emotive part of the story. Finding a way out of the darkness after loss is incredibly difficult, finding a way to share your pain and grief and begin talking together after loss often needs a key, aglimmer of hope, an opening.
Freya and her mum reconnect and the love between them as they watch the skies shines from the page and is truly beautiful and incredibly emotional. I am crying now as I write this. There is so much love in this story, so much pain that is palpable at the start of the story and that we understand is beginning to heal a little by the end.
Watch in the illustrations for the signs of love and light taking hold as the pages turn. Look at the photograph over the fireplace at the beginning of the story and again at the end. Spot the two little mice watching over the family throughout the story. Notice the empty chair in the cabin as Freya and her mum snuggle together in the window seat.
When Tilda died we changed our bedroom completely as she died in that room and in the change we added a window seat, It is also a storage box and inside are all of Tilda’s things, which I sit and go through from time to time. This beautiful book has made me determined to make the window seat more comfy and cosy and star filled, as it was always meant to be. A place for me to sit and watch the skies
This is such a special beautifully illustrated story, acomfort to anyone living with loss, a story of rediscovering joy and finding a light in the darkness. This is a beautiful illustration of love and hope and I am so very thankful to have it on our shelves, to be able to reach for it in moments of Tilda sadness.
Lost In The Clouds
One day Bea was reading on the sofa & just started sobbing, really breaking her heart. She had read Lost In The Clouds by herself & it really affected her. This is not a book to have on your shelf at home or in the classroom but it is definitely one to keep with you for when the time comes that you will need it.
This book would be a wonderful companion for Storm In A Jar from @owletpress
This is Lost In The Clouds by Tom Tinndisbury
Billy loves his mummy but she is not here anymore. Billy’s mummy has died and he likes to think that she is now in the clouds. Billy missed his mummy very much and he thinks about her all the time. On good days Billy and his Daddy can play together and be together. On dark days Daddy is quiet and distant. Billy finds this hard. A storm builds – the weather and Billy’s sadness and anger and frustration. His grief. Billy and his Daddy both struggle together yet apart on really bad days. Billy tries to climb into the clouds to reach his mummy. Of course he can’t. Billy’s act of desperation is a cry for help and it is all Daddy needs to find the strength to carry on and be there for his son in spite of his own grief and pain. Daddy and Billy cuddle and talk. Really talk. Something they both needed so very much but they had both been lost in the clouds. Together they work through the bad days and they talk about Mummy and find ways to include her in their days. Billy confides in his Daddy about his feelings and Daddy reassures him that whatever he feels, it is okay. It is okay to not be okay, whatever you are feeling is valid and it is good to talk about how you are feeling so that people who love you can help you.
This is a heart wrenching book & a tough rough read for a bereaved family. I cannot read this book without crying. I have lived this book. I am living this book still. Grief & pain do not go away. Losing a parent or a child or anyone that you love changes you & the way you see the world. We need children to know this.
We need to tell them that it is normal & that it is okay. We need them to know that there is hope & while things may never be the same “something beautiful can grow in the stormiest weather.”
I think this will be such a help to grieving parents who often feel we are letting out children down by grieving ourselves. This will help so many families to open up to one another and talk about their loss and what their grief is like because we all grieve so very differently x It is a tough read but it is also a true comfort and shows that where there is love there is always always hope x
Leaves
“I will always be with you.
Each time the wind blows, in your leaves is where you’ll find me”
In a few weeks I will be 46. I feel much more aware of my mortality in recent times. I think losing a child does that to you. Also as I get older, my parents get older. I worry about losing them but most of all I worry about my children losing me. I wonder always have I done enough, am I doing enough?
Leaves is one of the most beautiful books I have ever read and I feel like it was written for me. To remind me to make memories with my children, to remind me to slow down & be present, to savour the seasons as they come & go. I feel the book is reminding me to pass on my knowledge to my children to help them & guide them & ensure they know enough in their heart if for any reason I am no longer here. This book also resonates with me as it reassures me that Tilda is still with us, around us in nature. I am so sure that I often see her signs.
Leaves is a story of the seasons & the circle of life. A father tree & his young one. He has watched over her & cared for her from a seedling. He has loved her & supported her, guided her with his heart & wise words. He passed in his knowledge & his understanding of the world. This is a love story of the bond between parent & child. A celebration of intergenerational friendship. As the little one grows in spirit and strength the older tree is aging and slowing and losing his leaves. They cherish every moment together as he teaches her all he knows and they talk about the importance of memories.
“Some moments you must let go.
But remember to keep the dear ones near –
For good memories will shelter you from the storm.
And the great ones will keep you warm.”
This stunning story of the circle of life reminds us all that we cannot stop the clocks as much as we would love to.
“We cannot stop the seasons.
We have to let it be so.”
This book will make you cry but it will also fill your heart and lift your soul. A story of love, life and death. A story of hope and strength and the importance of memories.
The artwork in this book is incredible filled with autumn colours, magical light, mist & shadow. A breathtaking beauty of a book.
The Bear and The Moon
“The Sky had sent him a gift,
A friend, a small red moon,
And now it was gone.
Bad bear,
He thought.
Bad, bad bear.”
The Bear and the Moon is an absolutely beautiful book. It is a story of discovery and joy, it is a story of friendship, it is a story of loss and grief and guilt and forgiveness. This book has really got under my skin as it perfectly explains without really meaning to what happens when you lose a baby. You are given a precious beautiful gift from the sky. You love them and cherish them. You do everything together. The gift is your pride and joy, it is a part of you that goes with you everywhere until all of a sudden that beautiful precious gift is gone. That irreplaceable wonderful thing that you love with all you are is gone. At first you do not believe it is possible and you try everything that you can possibly think of to bring them back. It is hard to accept loss and then comes the guilt was it my fault, did I do this? Am I a bad bear? I am a bad bad bear. It takes time and support and someone to tell you, it is not your fault.
“Good bear. Kind bear. Don’t worry bear.”
Once you accept the loss then you can begin to grieve and heal. Once you accept that the loss was not your fault only then can you try to forgive yourself. Then the darkness becomes peppered with light as you allow yourself to remember and dream.
“And in his dreams, they danced again.”
This is an incredibly important and emotional read. The pictures are breathtaking. Simply stunning.
A wonderful illustration of love, loss, grief, guilt, forgiveness and the importance of memories.
It is perfect x
For more books that help
With loss and grief
And learning to live without someone you love
Please do have a look through my guides on Instagram
Thank you x